SNL' Cold Open Mocks Midterm Desperation With Hegseth’s ‘Schlong Donkeys,’ Trump’s Rambles & Harris’ Struggles

NEW YORK, 4 OCTOBER 2026 —

Satirical SNL Cold Open Mocks U.S. Midterms Chaos as Trump, Hegseth and Vance Take Center Stage

The skit, airing on the second episode of SNL’s 52nd season, mocked the Republican National Committee’s frantic messaging as polls show President Trump’s approval ratings plummeting ahead of November’s vote.

With the GOP facing potential losses in key Senate races, the sketch portrayed a party grasping at absurdity—from a wheelchair-bound Mitch McConnell (played by Mickey Day) delivering a premature "Live from New York" cut short by RNC strategists, to a Spanish-language ad falsely accusing Democrats of trickery, voiced by Marcello Hernández as Marco Rubio.

At the heart of the satire was Colin Jost’s portrayal of Pete Hegseth, the former Fox News host and Trump-aligned Defense Secretary, who delivered a surreal, slang-laden plea to voters. "What’s up, schlong donkeys?" Hegseth began, framing his appeal as a military-style rally. "Now listen up, okay, because I need all you patriots at home to do the gayest thing ever and vote.

Thanks to me, the military finally has its priorities and sexuality straight." The bit culminated in a mock ad encouraging overseas troops to vote by mail—"the only by-mail I’m cool with"—before ending with a deadpan "In conclusion, vote, I guess."

The Trump segment, performed by James Austin Johnson, took the form of a fake campaign ad where the former president rambled about economic despair and his own unfulfillable promises. "We’re getting mogged out there," Trump declared, using his signature slang, before pivoting to a $5,000 stimulus pledge he insisted was "not a bribe" because he had "no intention of following through." The bit devolved into a stream-of-consciousness tirade: "You have to use something called imagination.

Imagination makes a MAGA nation. Wow, that’s pretty good. I can already see that written on the back of an obese woman’s booty shorts in dirty, disgusting Myrtle Beach."

The sketch also previewed a dystopian 2028 under JD Vance, played by Jeremy Culhane, with the character delivering a cryptic, ominous line that left viewers questioning whether the joke was meant to be taken seriously. Meanwhile, a cameo by Mickey Day as Mitch McConnell—interrupted mid-speech by RNC consultants—highlighted the GOP’s internal divisions, with the senator’s wheelchair-bound appearance adding a layer of dark humor to the midterms’ stakes.

The episode, delayed slightly for the West Coast due to college football, marked the second show of the season and featured Verity star Dakota Johnson hosting for the third time. Musical guest Turnstile, a Maryland rock band, made their SNL debut, while next week’s October 10 episode will welcome Shane Gillis—once a cast member but now a one-time host—and a return by Rosalía, the Spanish singer who has become a fan favorite on the show.

The cold open’s timing reflects broader concerns about voter engagement ahead of the midterms, with Republicans struggling to counter Democratic messaging on inflation and abortion rights. While the sketch’s humor relied on exaggeration, its targets—Trump’s erratic rhetoric, the GOP’s internal fractures, and the party’s reliance on fringe figures—mirror real-world challenges facing the Republican ticket.

With polls showing a tight race in key battlegrounds, the SNL parody underscored the high-stakes nature of the election, where even satire risks becoming indistinguishable from reality. The show’s producers, however, left no doubt that the bit was intended as a critique rather than a prediction—though the line between the two may soon blur.