Hidden habits that worsen social anxiety—and how to overcome them

KUALA LUMPUR, 30 SEPTEMBER 2026 —

Social anxiety is a pervasive condition that significantly impacts academic performance and personal well-being, affecting up to 12% of the population at some point in their lives.

The condition, which can lead to depression and social isolation, is increasingly linked to modern lifestyle factors such as increased smartphone use and remote working, which experts say contribute to reduced social interactions and heightened anxiety levels.

The personal narrative of Mary, a 25-year-old who is not using her real name, illustrates the severe trajectory of untreated social anxiety. Her struggles began in her teenage years, where the intensity of her anxiety in social situations led to the development of depression and the necessity of taking time off school. By the time she reached university, her avoidance of group settings had become absolute.

Mary recalls that she did not join clubs or societies like her peers, driven by the persistent belief that nobody would want to get to know her. Consequently, she did not make a single friend during her entire undergraduate degree. Her experience is not an isolated case; a study by the University of Chichester found that more than a fifth of university students face some kind of social anxiety during their studies.

This prevalence is linked to lower grades, poorer relationships, and significant isolation, particularly for those for whom university marks the first time they have moved out of home, creating an immediate expectation to form new friendships.

Mary’s experience at the University of Exeter demonstrates the acute nature of these challenges. She attempted to integrate by attending one society, but the environment triggered a sudden fear that she would not fit in, prompting her to leave and return home. She describes her social anxiety as akin to an out-of-body experience. When interacting with new people, she would feel heat rise in her face and her hands begin to tingle.

"I’d almost feel myself separating from my body. I forgot how to form words," Mary says. The aftermath of these interactions was equally debilitating. She often felt she had done something awful, experiencing an all-consuming sense of shame and the persistent thought that there was something fundamentally flawed in her.

Neil Greening, chair of the Social Anxiety Alliance UK, identifies this internalization as a typical characteristic of people with social anxiety. He notes that individuals often believe they have a personality flaw rather than viewing their condition as a recognizable issue for which help is available.

Greening emphasizes that while it is normal to feel shy or anxious in new situations, such as job interviews or meeting new people, social anxiety is defined by its ability to stop people from doing things. For those with a clinical diagnosis, the impact can be debilitating. In a world where extroversion and social confidence are generally admired, it can be difficult to admit to any form of social anxiety.

Many individuals attempt to hide their condition or rely on safety behaviors to cope.

Greening points to emerging evidence that social anxiety is worsening, with increased use of smartphones and remote working contributing to the problem by leading to fewer social interactions and higher levels of anxiety. However, there are effective pathways for management. Mary, who has since moved on to a postgraduate course, is now managing her condition better. After her undergraduate degree, she received support from the NHS in the form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

CBT is considered the gold standard treatment for social anxiety, encouraging individuals to re-frame their thoughts and change their behaviors.

Prof David Clark, a psychologist at the University of Oxford, advocates for more people to come forward for therapy but also outlines specific steps individuals can take to help themselves. The first step, according to Clark, is to stop obsessive self-focus. People with social anxiety often monitor themselves constantly during social situations, asking themselves if they are blushing, sounding stupid, or looking nervous.

Clark advises focusing outwardly on the conversation, the other person, or the surroundings rather than on internal sensations.

The second strategy involves testing fears through behavioral experiments. This includes asking a question in a meeting or saying something in a group and observing the actual outcome. Clark explains that people with social anxiety often assume negative outcomes, such as embarrassing themselves or being perceived as boring. Testing these assumptions can help break the cycle of fear. "It’s frightening, but it can really help," Clark says.

The third step is to drop safety behaviors, which include rehearing every sentence, avoiding eye contact, or sticking close to one particular person for comfort.

Finally, Clark advises avoiding post-event rumination, noting that it is easy to distort what actually happened after an interaction. Mary empathizes with this point, recalling that she used to play things over constantly in her mind. She has learned that dealing with social anxiety is a gradual process. While therapy was instrumental in her recovery, she credits a conversation with a friend for a significant shift in her perspective.

When Mary told her friend she did not want to join her in meeting some of her friends, citing her poor social skills, the friend responded that she had never thought that about Mary and that she should not undersell herself. Mary was overcome with emotion at this realization.

Mary is now pushing herself to engage more actively in social settings. She notes that her postgraduate course helps because the groups are smaller, reducing the intensity of the social pressure. Additionally, she has joined an astronomy group, a step that represents a significant effort to overcome her avoidance patterns. While she acknowledges that it is still difficult and does not always go as she wants, she is learning to manage the condition.

Her journey highlights the importance of professional support, behavioral change, and the recognition that social anxiety is a manageable condition rather than a permanent character defect.

The broader implications of these findings extend beyond individual well-being to the academic and professional spheres. The University of Chichester study’s link between social anxiety and lower grades underscores the economic and educational costs of untreated mental health issues. As remote work and digital communication continue to reshape social dynamics, the need for robust mental health support systems in educational institutions and workplaces becomes increasingly critical.

Experts like Greening and Clark emphasize that while the condition is common, it is often misunderstood, leading to unnecessary suffering and isolation.

Mary’s story serves as a testament to the effectiveness of CBT and the power of social support. Her transition from a state of complete avoidance to active participation in smaller groups and hobby-based communities illustrates the gradual nature of recovery. The emphasis on stopping self-monitoring and testing fears provides a practical framework for individuals struggling with similar issues.

By shifting focus from internal criticism to external engagement, individuals can begin to dismantle the cognitive distortions that fuel social anxiety.

The role of technology in exacerbating social anxiety is a growing concern. Greening’s observation that smartphones and remote work contribute to reduced social interactions highlights a modern paradox: while technology connects people digitally, it may be isolating them physically and socially. This trend is particularly relevant for young adults entering university, a period traditionally associated with the formation of lifelong friendships and social networks.

The expectation to quickly make friends can be overwhelming for those with social anxiety, leading to further withdrawal and isolation.

Prof Clark’s advice on behavioral experiments offers a countermeasure to this withdrawal. By actively engaging in low-stakes social situations and observing the outcomes, individuals can challenge their negative assumptions. This process, while initially frightening, can lead to significant improvements in confidence and social functioning. The importance of dropping safety behaviors, such as rehearsing sentences or avoiding eye contact, is also crucial.

These behaviors may provide temporary relief but ultimately reinforce the anxiety by preventing individuals from learning that they can handle social situations without them.

Mary’s experience with post-event rumination is a common feature of social anxiety. The tendency to replay social interactions and criticize one’s performance can perpetuate the cycle of anxiety. Clark’s advice to avoid this rumination is essential for breaking the cycle. Mary’s realization that she was underselling herself, prompted by her friend’s perspective, was a turning point in her recovery.

It highlighted the gap between her self-perception and how she was perceived by others, a common distortion in social anxiety.

As students return to university, the message from experts is clear: social anxiety is a common and treatable condition. It is not a personality flaw, but a medical issue that requires appropriate support. By recognizing the signs, seeking professional help, and implementing behavioral strategies, individuals can manage their anxiety and lead more fulfilling lives. Mary’s journey from isolation to engagement demonstrates that recovery is possible, even if it is a gradual process.

Her story offers hope to others who may be struggling with similar challenges, emphasizing the importance of self-compassion and the willingness to seek help.

The integration of mental health support into university curricula and student services is a critical step in addressing this issue. Institutions must provide accessible resources for students who may be struggling with social anxiety, ensuring that they have the tools they need to succeed academically and socially. The link between social anxiety and lower grades underscores the need for such support, as untreated anxiety can have long-term consequences for educational and career outcomes.

In conclusion, the fight against social anxiety requires a multifaceted approach that includes professional therapy, behavioral change, and societal awareness. By challenging the stigma surrounding mental health and promoting evidence-based treatments, we can help individuals like Mary overcome their fears and engage more fully in their communities. The insights from experts like Greening and Clark provide a roadmap for this journey, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, behavioral experimentation, and the rejection of safety behaviors.

As society continues to evolve, the need for robust mental health support will only grow, making it essential that we prioritize the well-being of those affected by social anxiety.